The Go-Giver is one of my absolute favs, Rob! And yes…people can feel (even if they can’t put words to it) when there’s a condition underneath the help.
When we are in service, the ego isn’t at play.
When we are in it to win it, that’s all ego and I don’t think we can be in service and competition at the same time. 💜
I picked it up on a referral from another founder when I was running my last business. He was definitely not embodying the book’s transformation at the time. 😉
I went through it and thought, “that’s nice.” And it was after I exited my business and found myself questioning…well everything that I picked it up again. The second time through I was open to the concepts. And that’s when they really stuck with me. I’d say here on Substack it’s a compounding of lots of that two years worth of work. The books I read and reread help guide for sure.
Lmao I always find it funny when someone gives advice they aren't following, and then it ends up being really great advice for you. I have a specific example in mind I'd rather not make public, but it cracks me up thinking about it.
And wow, I find that so interesting. It's crazy how a book has to hit you at the right time for it to have a big impact. Like your mind has to be ready for it or something. I think it's awesome you gave it another chance though. Too often we just forget about them.
Thanks for sharing all this, it's really cool to learn more about your story 🙏🏻
I don’t think I’ve always embodied the principles discussed in the book. Even tho there was never malicious intent on my part, I moved through the world in a very transactional sense. And what’s crazy is…it was less because I wanted something from them and more that I was afraid I’d get hurt in some way if I opened myself up and simply gave. Living in service feels exposed. Again, I think that’s the ego. Trying to always protect us.
The work I spent two years doing after my business was deeper work. Realizing that there’s nothing to fear from out there. They can’t take anything away from me. I am whole regardless. Now…that’s not to say I don’t still find myself needing reminders and leaning into old lessons but I’m trying. And that’s all any of us can do.
Wow that's really interesting. I think it's so cool when people take something they struggle with or really want to overcome and spend years focused on improving it. Good for you 💪
So did the book play a role in this? Like did you read it before this "transformation," or during or after?
Thank you for sharing, Rob. I've been thinking about how to make building connections more genuine because I always hold myself back from DMing new people. I often think I might come across as salesy or that they might feel I'm trying to sell them something and that's why I'm being kind lol. I'd love to give this book a read for sure :)
Having back and forth in comments first. When people respond back with energy in the comments, it’s a lot easier to DM them later when you both kinda know each other.
Keep it totally vibe related. Usually a compliment with specifics (like, why you like the post, appreciated what they said, etc.)
Sometimes a question is good. “I saw you mention XYZ. So cool! Curious…”
I don’t ever go in with intention to sell at all. If they find out or ask about what I do and want to learn more, cool. But I’m not pushing that on them at all.
The main thing is to genuinely want to connect. Like they seem like someone you’d vibe with. It’s hard to force it.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I appreciate you as always Rabia!
Thank you for sharing these, Rob. You always provide so much value 🙏
I’ve been applying your feedback in my conversations... especially your point about not sounding like a fan. (I was doing that). But your advice is helping me becoming more confident in how I communicate now and have conversations.
WOW! Thank you so much, Rob, for your kind and amazing post around John David Mann's and my book! Honored beyond words to know you found it to be of such value, and that you felt it worthy of sharing with your readers and colleagues! And what you wrote was truly powerful! Again, cannot thank you enough!
Bob, I think it’s SO COOL that you’re out here reading my work and exemplifying the type of character you and John David Mann wrote about in the Go-Giver.
I truly appreciate our interactions today, your kind words about my post, and especially the books you’ve written that changed my life.
Thanks for showing up and connecting with us here on Substack!
I wrote about something similar not too long ago in an article. When you give without expecting something, it feels different. Both for you and the person you're giving to. Most people give value and then want something in return, but that *wanting something in return* is sort of the lack part... because it's not really a genuine exchange.
Yeah it’s very important to not expect anything out of helping others. But there are ways to ask for favors and give people ways to help you back (when they want), just can’t depend on it or use that as the driving motivation to add value to their life in the first place.
I love this. What you wrote that it only works once you stop keeping score, is so true. You weren't faking it before, what changed wasn't sincerity, it was the quiet scorekeeping. I wrote about starting with generosity recently and keep thinking about the same sort of thing. That the moment giving becomes a tactic, people can feel the engine running underneath even if they can't name it. Much harder to admit than "just be genuine." 🍋🍋🍋
So well said. It’s something that seems easy to understand but is difficult to put into words. There’s just something that happens when you start hoping/expecting something in return. It hinders the true power of connection and limits what’s possible.
Wow!! Such a great post, Rob! Just bookmarked it and will find the book on Amazon now 🙂 wont the world be such a great place if everyone starts thinking like this 🩵
I am so glad this book spoke to you. I refer to this in my book on resilience. Service is a huge part of what creates the resilience in people's lives. It has all those things you mentioned, and it also triggers physiological changes in your brain... maybe the book mentions the power of mirror neurons... it is the reason Karma works... the other book in this area is Adam Grant's Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success...I have a whole list of books that change lives on my website that might interest you. https://resilientgenerations.ca/books-that-change-lives/
Absolutely love this and agree. I like to call it 'the generosity flywheel'. Help or give for no reason. It's unbelievable what comes back to you tenfold! (Also, running off to read the book and now I subscribed to you!) Keep giving, Rob!
Yes! It’s really hard to put into words. If I had to nail down where I think it “lives,” I’d say in expectations. If you don’t expect anything back, you’re doing it right. If you do, you’re not.
And on top of that, flipping that switch is both easy and hard, and a whole ‘nother thing that’s really difficult to explain lol.
I appreciate the kind words, thanks for reading 🙏🏻
I wrote something similar last year and called it Kindness Currency - so it had more of the idea of receiving back in a karma-like way - but at some point in the future or just through feeling better about ourselves by spreading that love and positivity a bit. I like your angle. It's also good for our kids to see us giving - they're the adults of tomorrow.
The Go-Giver is one of my absolute favs, Rob! And yes…people can feel (even if they can’t put words to it) when there’s a condition underneath the help.
When we are in service, the ego isn’t at play.
When we are in it to win it, that’s all ego and I don’t think we can be in service and competition at the same time. 💜
Wow, love that you’ve read it, and knowing you it doesn’t surprise me!
And you absolutely nailed what I took away from it (and have experienced firsthand).
Curious, did you meaningfully change after reading it? Or were you already very giving with your time/energy/words/etc?
Because you clearly embody it here on Substack, and I’m just curious how much was already in you and how much was learned.
Please know how very grateful I am for your kind words about the book, Ashley! Thank you!
Hi Bob! So cool you’re here with all of us. Thanks for dropping by to share with me. 💜
My pleasure, Ashley! Thank YOU! ❤️
I picked it up on a referral from another founder when I was running my last business. He was definitely not embodying the book’s transformation at the time. 😉
I went through it and thought, “that’s nice.” And it was after I exited my business and found myself questioning…well everything that I picked it up again. The second time through I was open to the concepts. And that’s when they really stuck with me. I’d say here on Substack it’s a compounding of lots of that two years worth of work. The books I read and reread help guide for sure.
Lmao I always find it funny when someone gives advice they aren't following, and then it ends up being really great advice for you. I have a specific example in mind I'd rather not make public, but it cracks me up thinking about it.
And wow, I find that so interesting. It's crazy how a book has to hit you at the right time for it to have a big impact. Like your mind has to be ready for it or something. I think it's awesome you gave it another chance though. Too often we just forget about them.
Thanks for sharing all this, it's really cool to learn more about your story 🙏🏻
I don’t think I’ve always embodied the principles discussed in the book. Even tho there was never malicious intent on my part, I moved through the world in a very transactional sense. And what’s crazy is…it was less because I wanted something from them and more that I was afraid I’d get hurt in some way if I opened myself up and simply gave. Living in service feels exposed. Again, I think that’s the ego. Trying to always protect us.
The work I spent two years doing after my business was deeper work. Realizing that there’s nothing to fear from out there. They can’t take anything away from me. I am whole regardless. Now…that’s not to say I don’t still find myself needing reminders and leaning into old lessons but I’m trying. And that’s all any of us can do.
Wow that's really interesting. I think it's so cool when people take something they struggle with or really want to overcome and spend years focused on improving it. Good for you 💪
So did the book play a role in this? Like did you read it before this "transformation," or during or after?
A feel-good for the day!
😊
This is Golden, Rob! Thanks for posting.
My pleasure, thanks for reading John!
Thank you for sharing, Rob. I've been thinking about how to make building connections more genuine because I always hold myself back from DMing new people. I often think I might come across as salesy or that they might feel I'm trying to sell them something and that's why I'm being kind lol. I'd love to give this book a read for sure :)
My pleasure! A few things that help:
Having back and forth in comments first. When people respond back with energy in the comments, it’s a lot easier to DM them later when you both kinda know each other.
Keep it totally vibe related. Usually a compliment with specifics (like, why you like the post, appreciated what they said, etc.)
Sometimes a question is good. “I saw you mention XYZ. So cool! Curious…”
I don’t ever go in with intention to sell at all. If they find out or ask about what I do and want to learn more, cool. But I’m not pushing that on them at all.
The main thing is to genuinely want to connect. Like they seem like someone you’d vibe with. It’s hard to force it.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I appreciate you as always Rabia!
Thank you for sharing these, Rob. You always provide so much value 🙏
I’ve been applying your feedback in my conversations... especially your point about not sounding like a fan. (I was doing that). But your advice is helping me becoming more confident in how I communicate now and have conversations.
Wow! This is so awesome to hear. Thanks for letting me know. I love that you’re actually taking the advice and doing something with it. So cool!
WOW! Thank you so much, Rob, for your kind and amazing post around John David Mann's and my book! Honored beyond words to know you found it to be of such value, and that you felt it worthy of sharing with your readers and colleagues! And what you wrote was truly powerful! Again, cannot thank you enough!
Bob, I think it’s SO COOL that you’re out here reading my work and exemplifying the type of character you and John David Mann wrote about in the Go-Giver.
I truly appreciate our interactions today, your kind words about my post, and especially the books you’ve written that changed my life.
Thanks for showing up and connecting with us here on Substack!
Thank YOU, Rob! I feel the exact same about you!
I wrote about something similar not too long ago in an article. When you give without expecting something, it feels different. Both for you and the person you're giving to. Most people give value and then want something in return, but that *wanting something in return* is sort of the lack part... because it's not really a genuine exchange.
Exactly. And it always bleeds through, even if you can’t tell.
It’s weird, because you can be a giver knowing that good things will likely come your way.
But you can’t expect anything from any specific situaiton.
Also, there are ways to ask for favors and receive value from others that don’t disrupt the magic.
But again, it can’t be, “I’m helping you right now, so that you’ll do XYZ for me.”
It’s so weird, but also makes so much sense.
Love that you understand what I mean. Sometimes it’s not easy to articulate 😂
To give in order to get, can have a different taste.
Yeah it’s very important to not expect anything out of helping others. But there are ways to ask for favors and give people ways to help you back (when they want), just can’t depend on it or use that as the driving motivation to add value to their life in the first place.
I love this. What you wrote that it only works once you stop keeping score, is so true. You weren't faking it before, what changed wasn't sincerity, it was the quiet scorekeeping. I wrote about starting with generosity recently and keep thinking about the same sort of thing. That the moment giving becomes a tactic, people can feel the engine running underneath even if they can't name it. Much harder to admit than "just be genuine." 🍋🍋🍋
So well said. It’s something that seems easy to understand but is difficult to put into words. There’s just something that happens when you start hoping/expecting something in return. It hinders the true power of connection and limits what’s possible.
Appreciate you samantha!
Wow!! Such a great post, Rob! Just bookmarked it and will find the book on Amazon now 🙂 wont the world be such a great place if everyone starts thinking like this 🩵
Wow glad it had enough impact to make you want the book! It’s an easy and fun read, you’ll enjoy it.
Thanks for writing this 🙏🏻
I agree, I think it’d be cool to get more people on board (and to get better at it myself 😬)
Absolutely 💯
Thank you, Yuvika. If you get a chance to read it I hope you enjoy and find it to be of value!
Results in life and business always seem to lead back to integrity, authenticity and intention. Congratulations on this honest take.
Agreed. Thank you 🙏
I have not thought about that book in years. I might have to reread it.
It’s so good! I wish I knew about it years ago lol.
The fact that people love this book makes me optimistic about the future.
John, thank you! I'm very grateful to know you've read it! If you do pick it up again I hope you enjoy the reread!
I rebought it two days ago :-)
:-) :-)
I am so glad this book spoke to you. I refer to this in my book on resilience. Service is a huge part of what creates the resilience in people's lives. It has all those things you mentioned, and it also triggers physiological changes in your brain... maybe the book mentions the power of mirror neurons... it is the reason Karma works... the other book in this area is Adam Grant's Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success...I have a whole list of books that change lives on my website that might interest you. https://resilientgenerations.ca/books-that-change-lives/
Thank you!
You are very welcome have a wonderful week.
Dr. Jacqueline, thank you! Honored and grateful to know you referred to it in YOUR book! And I agree with you regarding Dr. Grant's book...fantastic!
Your piece was a timely read for me, thank you. Can’t wait to read the book too.
Thank you! And you’re welcome 😊
Glad to hear you want to check it out. It’s a fun and easy read (or listen!).
I hope you enjoy the read, Leela, and find it to be of value! Many thanks!
Absolutely love this and agree. I like to call it 'the generosity flywheel'. Help or give for no reason. It's unbelievable what comes back to you tenfold! (Also, running off to read the book and now I subscribed to you!) Keep giving, Rob!
Adrienne, thank you! I hope you find the read to be both enjoyable and of value!
Thanks so much Adrienne! You’re going to enjoy it, it’s a fun read/listen 🤙
The “for no reason” part is sooooo key. Glad you included that.
Sounds like you’ve already been indoctrinated, but I imagine the book will make it even more imprinted on your soul.
Stoked to connect, gonna check out your page right now!
there's always that tension of giving and secretly expecting something in return. Appreciated the post! Thank you!
Yes! It’s really hard to put into words. If I had to nail down where I think it “lives,” I’d say in expectations. If you don’t expect anything back, you’re doing it right. If you do, you’re not.
And on top of that, flipping that switch is both easy and hard, and a whole ‘nother thing that’s really difficult to explain lol.
I appreciate the kind words, thanks for reading 🙏🏻
This is lovely and refreshing, Rob.
I wrote something similar last year and called it Kindness Currency - so it had more of the idea of receiving back in a karma-like way - but at some point in the future or just through feeling better about ourselves by spreading that love and positivity a bit. I like your angle. It's also good for our kids to see us giving - they're the adults of tomorrow.
Thanks so much 😊
Such a good point. It’s really important to do it in front of our kids, and something I need to consciously work on.
Although my son has naturally adopted it even with the amount I do.
At 8 years old, he picks up trash on our walks and just loves helping others.
I was definitely not like that at 8 😭
Appreciate you Claire!