How I Got Referrals, Testimonials, and Help From Other Creators (Without Asking)

I just started this 4 weeks ago. I think it's working.

Every now and then, you read a book, and you never see the world the same again.

It’s only happened to me a few times. At 16, Rich Dad Poor Dad convinced me to become an entrepreneur. At 19, The Game (a book about the pickup artist community), convinced me that social skills could be learned, which eventually changed my entire life.

In 39 years, only two books actually rewired how I think.

But last month, it just happened again after reading The Go-Giver.

I Have a Confession

I hate to admit this, but I’ve never been very giving.

It’s not that I’m rude or selfish. I consider myself pleasant and fun, and I’m not stingy. But that’s typically when I’m around people. And even then, I leave plenty of opportunity to serve them better on the table.

When I’m not with people, I rarely go out of my way to help others.

I’m terrible at reaching out to friends, checking in on people, or calling my parents. I only buy birthday gifts out of necessity and do the bare minimum. I don’t mind the cost, but I don’t like putting in the effort.

I only donate items when I have stuff I want to offload. I only donate time when someone else plans it for me.

And I don’t give enough compliments. I say nice things now and then. But I miss so many opportunities.

Now, I do some things well. I listen, ask questions, and actually show interest in people. And people seem to like me, so I’m not completely broken.

But after reading The Go-Giver, something clicked that I wasn’t expecting.

The book makes a compelling case that giving is great for many more reasons than simply helping others. It’s great for business. It’s great for making money. It’s great for getting people to like you. It’s great for becoming well-known. And it’s great for your own happiness.

And I’ll be honest, those were all compelling reasons that caught my interest. I figured, if giving could help me build better relationships and grow my business, I was in.

So a month ago, I set a goal to become more giving and serving.

And here’s where it got weird.

You Don’t Always Want to Do the Right Thing, But You Do It Anyway

My first test showed up almost immediately. In fact, I hadn’t even completed the book yet.

I saw some young neighborhood kids selling lemonade with their parents. I drove past them because I had to pick up my daughter, but I knew I’d be driving back the same way.

And my first thought was, well, I could take the other street home so we don’t have to pass them and look rude. I wasn’t even sure I had cash on me and I didn’t really want to give my daughter sugary lemonade.

But then I remembered the book. It’s funny, it says you don’t always want to do the right thing, but you just do it anyway.

And that’s exactly how I felt. I didn’t want to stop, take time, talk to neighbors, and deal with the whole situation.

But I stopped. And we bought some lemonade.

And it felt awesome. My daughter was stoked. The kids were stoked. The parents were super grateful. And I gave the kids a four-dollar tip (I had a five on me and the lemonade was a dollar) because I wanted to do this giving thing right.

So I kept the habit going. Over the next week I called my parents (who were excited to chat) and I texted friends I hadn’t talked to in months, and some of them in years.

Then I brought it into my business. I offered a $147 service to several people for free. I went way deeper in DMs with people than they expected. I went back to past customers and tried to give them way more value than they paid for.

I’ll be honest, that part was a ton of work. Way more than I wanted. But it felt GOOD.

The Part I Didn’t Expect

And then something happened that I didn’t plan for.

People started referring business to me, giving me testimonials without being asked, and going out of their way to help me succeed. And I didn’t ask for any of it.

Now, I knew this was supposed to happen. I’ve read enough about reciprocity and relationship building to know the theory. Give, and people give back. You’ve probably heard that too.

But here’s what I learned after actually following that advice.

It only works if you’re not doing it for that reason.

I know because I’ve tried it the other way. I used to hop into people’s DMs and help them with stuff. And I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me hoping it would lead somewhere, like a sale, a referral, a connection, or something. And when nothing came from it, I’d get frustrated and I’d stop.

Looking back, I think people could feel that. Not because I was being fake. I genuinely was trying to help. But there was this little engine running in the background, and even though I couldn’t see it, they probably could. The generosity had a weird energy to it, like something was slightly off.

But this time was different. I was so focused on sticking to the giving habit I completely forgot about what might come out of it. I wasn’t tracking who owed me what or which conversation might turn into something. The giving itself started feeling like the point.

I went into every interaction thinking, “How can I help them most?” Not, “Where can I steer this conversation?”

And that’s apparently when other people respond. The referrals and testimonials and help didn’t come when I was trying to earn them. They literally came when I forgot to try to get them.

Why Most “Networking” Advice Falls Flat

I think this is why most “networking” advice falls flat. People hear “add value,” and “be generous,” and “give first.” Then they go do it with this little thought in the back of their head saying, Okay, I gave value, now what do I get?

But nothing happens. And they say to themselves, “I tried being generous and it didn’t work.”

Except it wasn’t generous. It was strategic. And that’s why it didn’t work. The other person could feel it even if they couldn’t explain it.

The difference between “Wow, I can’t believe how helpful he was!” and “Okay, what does he want from me?” is a small gap. Being generous leads to the former. And performing generosity leads to the latter.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’ve figured this all out. Before I read this book, I would have taken the back street to avoid a lemonade stand. I’ve got a long way to go.

But I do plan on giving more from here on out (ideally every day) and seeing what kind of person that turns me into.

And on that note, if you want to connect, I’d genuinely love to meet more of you and see if there’s anything I can help with.

Leave a comment or shoot me a DM, and I’ll try to practice what I just preached.

-Rob