Today I went live with Jess, The Creator to talk about friendships, collaboration, and growing on Substack.
What’s funny is that we’re both introverts.
In fact, Jess originally came to Substack because she could hide behind her writing and avoid all the video-heavy social media stuff. Now she’s doing weekly lives and collaborating with other creators, which led us into a conversation about how relationships actually get built online.
We went deep on the live, and if you’re into this stuff, then it might be worth a watch.
Otherwise, I’ve summarized the most important parts for you.
The 7 Big Lessons for Building Online Relationships and Landing Collabs
Here are the seven biggest takeaways from our chat:
1. Be yourself (but practice being visible)
A lot of people think they’re bad at relationships. But often, they’re not bad at relationships at all. They’re simply uncomfortable expressing themselves publicly or inexperienced at communicating with text.
The goal isn’t to become someone else. The goal is to become comfortable showing people who you already are.
Because the people you want to connect with are the people who actually like you for being you.
2. Relationships usually grow slowly
Most collaborations don’t start with a cold DM. They start with comments, then more comments, then replies to comments, then conversations inside of the comments section, then DMs.
By the time you DM them, it shouldn’t even feel like a risk. It should feel like the thing you probably should have already done.
Eventually, a collaboration feels obvious because a real relationship already exists. The relationship comes first. The collaboration is the natural next step.
3. Don’t force connections
Not everyone will connect with you, and that’s normal.
Some people are busy. Some people aren’t interested. Some people simply aren’t your people.
Plant lots of seeds, pay attention to the relationships that naturally develop, and invest more energy in those.
Don’t take the ones that don’t work out personally.
4. Genuine interest beats networking
One of the easiest ways to stand out is to actually read someone’s work.
Why?
Because everyone who writes cares deeply about their writing. It takes time and energy to create. It requires risk and courage to publish it.
If someone reads it, loves it, and tells you that, it feels AMAZING.
So be that person for others. But don’t skim it. Read it, and if you like it, let them know.
Then tell them specifically what resonated with you. This is key. Thoughtful appreciation is surprisingly rare online, and, because it’s rare, it has an outsized impact.
5. Stop making everything transactional
A lot of creators approach relationships by asking themselves, “What can this person do for me?” That mindset tends to leak through, even when we don’t realize it.
A better question is, “How can I help?” And genuinely go into it expecting nothing in return.
Ironically, helping people often creates opportunities anyway. Just not in the predictable, transactional way most people expect.
6. Tiny actions can create massive value
Jess shared a story about leaving a thoughtful comment on someone’s post. The creator later wrote an entire Note about it because the comment made her day.
The comment took only a few minutes to write, but the impact lasted much longer.
That’s how relationship-building often works online. Small actions can create surprisingly large ripple effects.
7. Lives are one of the fastest trust builders on Substack
Neither of us particularly loves going live. We both get nervous beforehand (and I sometimes have to take a nap after lol).
But lives let people see the real you because they get access to your personality, your thinking, your energy, and your values in real time.
That level of authenticity builds trust much faster than a perfectly polished post ever can.
The Big Idea
The biggest thing Jess and I kept coming back to was that relationships are built through genuine interest, consistency, generosity, and time.
Show up. Read people’s work. Encourage them. Go out of your way for them when you can. Help them feel good about themselves. Stay in the game long enough to see the results.
The collaborations, opportunities, friendships, referrals, and growth tend to follow.
Most of the opportunities I’ve gotten on Substack started with something incredibly small. A simple comment.
The goal isn’t to “network.”
The goal is to become someone other creators genuinely enjoy having around.
If you enjoyed this, subscribe to my publication The Creator’s Edge so you don’t miss the next one.
And make sure you subscribe here → Jess, The Creator ← to keep up with Jess.
Thank you to everyone who came, everyone reading this, and anyone watching the replay. You are all so awesome.
-Rob
